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.... bloody difficult Rolf," I replied as the tears that I had held at bay till then, started to roll down my cheeks. "I wanted you to carry on. Dammit I still want you to carry on...." But are you going to let me Jenny, because truthfully, I really want to." No! No I'm not," I replied, but I didn't mean it. That is I did.... But I ...... Oh damn it I didn't know what I wanted anymore."I tore myself away from him, leapt up from the sofa and retreated a few paces, staring at him in torment."What are you doing to me Rolf?... Why are you torturing me like this?.... Why don't you leave me alone?" It's a first step Jenny," Rolf repeated. "And an easy one at that. It may not always be so easy, but it's a start."I knew what he was doing. Had known more or less since he started. He was testing me to see if I had the will power to say no. To refuse sex just like that, knowing how good it would have been, how tenderly Rolf would have undressed me, caressed my naked body so tenderly, and then. After all, there was no reason that Kristen would have ever given me a second look if I never found them.Not only was I living with Kristen and Lynette, but I found myself the object of admiration from my fellow students, and now I had a band that I could use to pursue my dreams.All this great stuff was happening, and... somehow, I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.For instance, if the tickets changed my life, then was I living the life that I was supposed to? I've heard of the term "karma" from the popularity of Eastern religions, which is supposed to be the sum of a person's actions in this life and previous lives, and decides one's fate in this and future lives. Could these tickets somehow be interrupting this natural order, and would this interruption affect the karma of other people? These were really pretty heady things for a seventeen year old to be thinking!A year before, I learned enough about the tickets to know that I wanted to avoid them for the most part..
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